Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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