You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
