New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
