Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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