i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
