Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
