Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
