What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
