i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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