You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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