Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna

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  (847): I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna http://tfl.nu/isgx
  Replies (7) Good night (1752) Bad night (2567)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

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  (646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew
  Replies (55) Good night (5649) Bad night (944)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.

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  (816): Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy. http://tfl.nu/eso4
  Replies (37) Good night (985) Bad night (4040)
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  (310): View more from California

  LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.

  (310): View more from California

  And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.

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  (310): LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers. (310): And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow. http://tfl.nu/mkft
  Replies (26) Good night (4184) Bad night (1253)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

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  (317): my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive http://tfl.nu/067t
  Replies (31) Good night (5831) Bad night (1318)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.

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  (610): so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried. http://tfl.nu/cyhc
  Replies (12) Good night (962) Bad night (5010)
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  (914): View more from New York

  So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.

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  (914): So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great. http://tfl.nu/w708
  Replies (8) Good night (2780) Bad night (884)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.

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  (817): In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles. http://tfl.nu/ov1n
  Replies (14) Good night (1362) Bad night (4569)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling

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  (207): I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling http://tfl.nu/w1qs
  Replies (15) Good night (3130) Bad night (679)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.

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  (718): I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra. http://tfl.nu/riuo
  Replies (4) Good night (2189) Bad night (561)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  im sober

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

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  (815): im sober (920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive http://tfl.nu/hm58
  Replies (3) Good night (2410) Bad night (563)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde

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  (401): Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde http://tfl.nu/uiul
  Replies (6) Good night (1323) Bad night (514)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance

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  (207): when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance http://tfl.nu/dir9
  Replies (4) Good night (1519) Bad night (454)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.

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  (973): We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record. http://tfl.nu/5jg2
  Replies (2) Good night (720) Bad night (303)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.

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  (617): ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles. http://tfl.nu/rw8b
  Replies (4) Good night (532) Bad night (293)

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