Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.