Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.

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  (201): I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people. http://tfl.nu/03zs
  Replies (13) Good night (1179) Bad night (606)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.

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  (303): The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period. http://tfl.nu/nrl7
  Replies (6) Good night (2062) Bad night (640)
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  (310): View more from California

  Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)

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  (310): Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :) http://tfl.nu/0k31
  Replies (53) Good night (11957) Bad night (922)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

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  (908): I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me. http://tfl.nu/2kto
  Replies (13) Good night (6382) Bad night (1216)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.

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  (401): This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/lyuy
  Replies (1) Good night (869) Bad night (2962)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??

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  (314): DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT?? http://tfl.nu/2vmn
  Replies (13) Good night (5840) Bad night (1809)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.

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  (516): I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified. http://tfl.nu/1mep
  Replies (21) Good night (1110) Bad night (3578)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends

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  (307): there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends http://tfl.nu/lr33
  Replies (26) Good night (6538) Bad night (937)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog

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  (775): I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog http://tfl.nu/px0v
  Replies (2) Good night (584) Bad night (445)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.

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  (602): When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises. http://tfl.nu/mg1c
  Replies (6) Good night (1043) Bad night (365)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  7) Noodle arms: engage

  (269): View more from Michigan

  The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.

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  (269): 1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all. (269): 7) Noodle arms: engage (269): The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right. http://tfl.nu/5w2m
  Replies (8) Good night (1371) Bad night (340)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  all my money is vodka money

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  I have never read a truer sentence.

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  (734): all my money is vodka money (1-734): I have never read a truer sentence. http://tfl.nu/947v
  Replies (0) Good night (785) Bad night (256)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.

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  (320): Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked. http://tfl.nu/11jv
  Replies (2) Good night (512) Bad night (226)
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.

  (1-510): View more from California

  Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume

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  (510): I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion. (1-510): Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume http://tfl.nu/f5c6
  Replies (1) Good night (710) Bad night (211)
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  (949): View more from California

  Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley

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  (949): Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley http://tfl.nu/vphj
  Replies (0) Good night (489) Bad night (188)

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