I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
