so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
