put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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