Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
