Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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