Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
