I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
