Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
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Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you made out with another girl for some wings