as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...