Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.