i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.