bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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