Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
