my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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