Your face is a jimmy john
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
