Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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