I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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