Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
3pm strippers are depressing
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
