Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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