I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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