my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize