Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
