Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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