Dual....:-)
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We got so high we made milksteak
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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