I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
