I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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