Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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