apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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