Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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