my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
