dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
