apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
