I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
