She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we made out on top of his cat.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
