I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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