Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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