She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
