I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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