No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am