He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire