last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
