I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.