Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
