I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.