used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city