Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I thought she had blonde hair

(302): View more from Delaware

No, Gonorrhea actually

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(828): View more from North Carolina

so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(347): View more from New York

asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game

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(573): View more from Missouri

and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.

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(907): View more from Alaska

That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece

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(503): View more from Oregon

The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.

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