covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later