Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
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In America we eat man semen.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.