please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
And then he peed in my hair
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