I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
