I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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