You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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