Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Acid is not a monday night drug
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
