i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
