Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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