I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My cat gives me a boner
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
