I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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