If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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