turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
