Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize