I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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