Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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