He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
