My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
