Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
