and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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