I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
