so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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