Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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