dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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