he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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