the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She needs sedatives and a leash
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.