all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
