Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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